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Many people experience FOMO that is the ‘fear of missing out’. What I mean by this is people fear that someone is having more fun or a better time than they are, in that moment. As a result many people are struggling to be present  or truly experience where they actually are.

I hosted a lavish family dinner party for my sisters fiftieth birthday and it broke my heart to watch her youngest want to be somewhere else could he not just put his phone down for one evening in fact for all intense and purposes he was not actually present was because he was on his smartphone the whole time.

We can’t be in two places at once… someone is always left feeling ‘not important’ enough for the phone users full attention. Being present

I pose the question are we so busy staying connected that we have disconnected? Some months ago I urged my readers to take the 21 day challenge to not use a smart phone in the presence of others. Some thought it a great idea – others thought it crazy. I can assure you that my teenagers looked at me as if I had gone mad.

In July I was on a family holiday – in the most idyllic location just south of Port Douglas in far North Queensland. The house is right on a beach – and we have seen dolphins playing in the water right in front of the house. The sun sparkles and dances on the water – the palm trees are laden with coconuts. I have read two books in the hammock overlooking the beach.

There is limited mobile connection – but we do have wifi. Our teenagers are now in the final months of their high school studies – we deliberately chose a holiday that would allow them to disconnect and do home work in a quiet – ‘luxurious’ place. I have watched our teenagers this week never allow their smart phone to be more than a few meters from their hand… My daughter attempting to focus on her physics and chemistry is constantly interrupted with a snapchat from friends – often many ‘conversations’ going on at the same time. I urge her to set aside her phone so that she can concentrate; she looks at me as if I have asked her to cut off her arm.

She admitted that she doesn’t know how to turn off her phone – and that she ‘would miss out’ if she turned it off.

One of the teenagers wants to go to a concert with his mates the night of a family wedding, he thinks he can do both – even though there is two hours travel time between them. “But I have spent a week with you” he implored. “I have not seen my friends in a WHOLE week!” Yet he was constantly present with them via the phone.

Endlessly we are presented with images of what other people are doing in all forms of social media… we are bombarded every moment with what other people are eating, drinking, experiencing – not just people we know, but ‘celebrity’ gossip too. Everyone seems to be having so much more fun…. yet the art to happiness is being connected and present.

Recently I read an article with some new research from Deakin University. (I like the fact that as you get older you are likely to be happier) called the ‘Golden Triangle of Happiness’. Simply put it found that you are likely to be happy in you have these three things:

  1. Someone who loves us
  2. A household income that provides the necessities
  3. Connected to the community

Life is not perfect, it is not a constant party – without sad or bad times it is hard to appreciated good times.

Our society is changing quickly. The world is shrinking; the amount of information is endless. Yet I am left wondering if I’m the dinosaur from a past era not keeping up with the times? Am I the old fashioned one urging people to ‘smell the roses’, ‘enjoy the journey’ ‘discover and see what is around you’?

What I do know is that depression is on the rise in western society.

These are the thoughts I am sharing with my teenagers?

  1. When making a choice about where you spend your time, ask ‘who will remember in a year from now?’ Your family is with you for a lifetime – friends come and go over the years.
  2. Is the grass always greener? Is it possible to simply be where you are – be present, curious and enjoy it for what it is?
  3. To give is to get – and the greatest gift you can give is your time, listening and presence. When you do this you will feel as sense of comfort and satisfaction.
  4. More, more, more does not give you happiness. Comparing yourself to your friends and peers often leads to a great sense of insecurity and dissatisfaction.

Instead of living life based on a the fear of missing out… Perhaps live with respect, responsibility and resilience… and see if you move your own Personal Happiness Index.

Let me know how you go. Are you going to put that smart phone away in the presence of others?

The Conversation Prism has represented the number of businesses that have grown because they are tapping into “the Fear of Missing Out”… no wonder I am feeling a little overwhelmed.

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